My Parents Expect Me To Pay For My Own Wedding! How Can I Explain It’s Their Duty?

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I remember being shocked when I became an adult and realized I had to pay all my bills. The freedom you get costs a lot, and one bride-to-be, who we’ll call Janet, is learning this the hard way. She’s wondering how she can make her parents realize that it’s their role to pay, and an online community gave their opinion on this assumption.

Adults Pay For Their Weddings

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“It’s not their duty to pay for your wedding. Their obligation stopped at age 18. Time to grow up and live within your means as an almost married adult” says a contributor.” If you want a nice wedding, then work and save for it. Be responsible. You can also get married at city hall for under two hundred dollars.”

Times Have Changed

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We’re living in different economic times. While it’s a tradition that the bride’s father pays, a person discloses that the financial situation in the world today doesn’t allow that. So the practice is now less prevalent.

They advise her to scale down to a small intimate ceremony, get a gown at a thrift shop, and alter it to fit. Making the reception potluck will also cut down the budget further. There are many ways to get married without breaking the bank.

You Misunderstood Their Duty

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Parents have a duty to cloth, protect, and shelter children until they’re old enough to do things for themselves. A commenter explains that anything you get after you become independent is a gift.

When they were getting married, they lived with their parents and had to work hard to afford their wedding. They were grateful because their parents brought them a microwave as a wedding present. Janet should get a job and work hard to pay for her staff.

If You Can Marry, You Can Pay

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“How old are you? Old enough to get married? An Adult? Old enough to pay for your own wedding,” writes another responder. “Your parent’s duty to you ended the morning of your eighteenth birthday. Anything you get after that is a generous gift for which you should be grateful. They owe you no duty to pay for your party.”

Marriage Is for Grownups

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One states that weddings are a grownup activity that can pay their way worldwide. Grownups can plan a wedding they can pay for. Such demands show that Janet may not be mature enough to marry.

Nothing Is Tradition Anymore

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Janet’s parents are probably saving for retirement, so they may not have the money to pay for a wedding. A forum member explains how she spent a thousand dollars on her marriage. She found a wedding dress for ninety-nine dollars, and her friend picked up the flowers.

The serviced restaurant she worked for provided the appetizers at a lower price. She purchased the cake, and one of her friends in a band sang at their wedding. There are ways that Janet can get her friends and family to pitch in as a gift for her.

Tradition Has Changed

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“Tradition wasn’t meant to pay for the dress, shows, hair, manicure, ceremony hall, and reception. Traditionally, a woman’s parents would give the groom or groom’s family land or livestock as a dowry or payment to help care for his daughter’s future or as payment for her,” an individual adds.

“Sometimes women were sold into arranged marriages to unify allied forces for power or war. Make choices you have complete control of because you control the money.”

Janet Has a Bad Track-Record

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After reviewing their profile, somebody discovered that Janet is about forty years old. At this point in her adulthood, Janet should pay for her wedding. Janet also thinks that her fiancĂ© bought a hideous engagement ring, doesn’t like one of her children, and wants to ask for cash wedding gifts.

These are just some of the questionable issues that Janet has posted. For example, it’s unreasonable to expect her parents, who may be in their sixties, to pay for a wedding for a 40-year-old bride.

How Will Janet Afford Everything Else?

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“If you can’t afford a one-time payment for a wedding, how will you pay for everything else that follows this one day? Be it kids, mortgage, education, etc.,” someone remarks.

“Your parents do not have to give you a single penny towards a wedding. Save the money for better future use. Hopefully, not to pay a divorce lawyer somewhere down the line.”

Tradition Is For the Rich

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Finally, a forum member mentions that wealthy parents use weddings to show off their wealth and social connections. The venue for such weddings is a country club or posh hotel. If Janet’s parents are not offering to pay, they cannot afford it. Janet needs to be realistic and use her savings. What do you think about this scenario?

This thread inspired this post and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Budget Savvy Bride.

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