Who Pays for the Big Wedding if The Couple Doesn’t Actually Want It?
A bride’s request for her parents to pay for a lavish wedding has sparked a heated debate. The controversy surrounds the age-old custom of who should bear the cost of the big day. But this story comes with a surprising twist. Read on for the details!
The Situation
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A 28-year-old bride-to-be and her 32-year-old fiancé, a teacher, have been together for four years and decided to get married. The groom’s parents are happy, and the bride’s parents are overjoyed about the news.
The Shocking Twist
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However, there’s a slight wrinkle in the wedding planning as the bride’s parents expect the couple to have a large wedding to accommodate hundreds of guests that they would like to invite.
Trying to Find a Compromise
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The couple is willing to honor their parents’ wishes. However, they’re unwilling to bear the cost, estimated to be between $35,000 and $45,000 by a wedding planner.
We’d Rather Keep It Small
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Instead, the couple prefers a destination wedding in Jamaica during the groom’s summer off, which would cost only around $10,000, including expenses for his parents and nephew.
The Bride’s Parents Think She Can Afford to Pay
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The bride’s parents are aware of her earnings and insist that she pay for the wedding herself, but the couple believes that if they aim to impress their friends, they should bear the cost themselves.
Parents Think the Bride Is Entitled
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The bride’s mother considers her daughter’s refusal to pay disrespectful and a denial of her chance to see her only daughter get married in front of friends and family. Still, the bride sees it differently and believes she shouldn’t have to pay for it.
Should the Parents Have to Sacrifice to Pay for the Daughter’s Wedding?
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The bride’s parents can afford to pay for the wedding, but it might mean delaying the replacement of their car for this year. Here is how the internet responded.
It’s Your WEDDING!
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One user stated, “If they want the $40k wedding, they can pay for it. Otherwise, stick to your $10k plan. Do that anyway. That’s what you and your partner want, and this is YOUR wedding.”
No One Is Entitled To Your Wedding
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“Your mom can have the wedding she pays for,” explained another. “You don’t want a wedding. She does. You want to go to Jamaica. It’s your money; mom doesn’t get to tell you how to spend it.”
They further shared, “Best wishes on your upcoming Jamaican wedding or honeymoon. Mom either comes to the wedding or doesn’t. No one is entitled to a wedding on someone else’s dime.”
Your Mom Is More Concerned About Her Wedding Dream Than Your Wedding Reality
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“Your parents (your mom specifically) are trying to force you to make their wedding dream a reality. That’s weird. I’m with you. They can foot the bill for their friends anyway if they want that. It’s your wedding; you can decide where and how to do it,” answered one.
You’re Willing To Pay for What You Want
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Another agreed, “You’re willing to pay for what you want; if parents want more, it should be on them to finance it. If they refuse to do so, then they have no say. It’s that simple. Oh, and there’s also this tiny detail that it’s YOUR wedding, NOT theirs.”
Don’t Let Them Pay
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“You don’t want them to pay for your wedding,” one suggested. “Have the wedding you want and keep them from reaching the planning. If they pay, they will dictate exactly how the wedding is. With their money, you should check out of planning and be surprised on your wedding day.”
This Is Why I Eloped!
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Finally, one confessed, “This is why I eloped! Honestly, the audacity of your mother to EXPECT a wedding you don’t want and also not want to pay for it is astounding. Do what makes you happy. Don’t back down on this.”
Consider Your Happiness
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Ultimately, it’s important to remember that a wedding is a celebration of the couple’s love for each other. Try not to get too caught up in pleasing others that you forget about your own happiness and preferences. It’s your special day, after all.
A Third-Party Mediator Can Help
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Sometimes, familial relationships can complicate decision-making processes. Consider involving an unbiased third-party, like a wedding planner or a mediator, to facilitate discussions and make sure everyone’s interests are considered fairly.
The Importance of Communication
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Open, honest communication is key in navigating these situations. It’s important to clearly express your feelings and expectations to your parents and be open to hearing their perspectives too. This can lead to mutual understanding and perhaps even a compromise that suits all parties involved.
Setting Boundaries
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It’s integral to set boundaries with your parents in adulthood. If you’re expected to pay for a large wedding that you don’t want, it’s okay to assertively communicate that you’d rather do things differently. Remember, it’s your life and your wedding.
Respecting Others’ Financial Decisions
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Lastly, it’s crucial to respect each other’s financial decisions. If the couple decides to have a smaller, less expensive wedding, their wishes should be respected. Likewise, if the parents are willing to pay for a larger wedding, that’s their decision to make.
What Are Your Thoughts?
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What do you think? Did this Redditor have a solid reason not to finance her mother’s lavish church wedding dreams, or do you agree with her mom?
This article was inspired by Reddit and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Budget Savvy Bride.
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